May 28, 2012

How and when do you explain the role of two mommies to a three year old child?

With a lot of gays coming out of the closet, Queen Latifah being the latest reveal, how do you explain to a child that he has two mommies and no daddy in the home? He asks you, ‘where is my daddy?’ Or he says to you simply that his friend has a daddy, why doesn’t he have one? What do you say? And is four the right age to bring it up, especially as your partner is just your partner for the last year and the child’s father lives in another country and he has no male figure to look up to?

Understanding the questions and answers

It is not a simple question to answer as some people will embrace your love for your partner, and others will judge you. To those who judge, my response is to first judge you. Remember what Jesus said about throwing stones? Having said that, a child must be answered and if he is big enough, I believe, he is old enough to understand. Children watch television and know what is going on. Probably they could articulate the situation better than you. You must however not tell a lie. You don’t have to be specific, but he must know the answer to why there is no father.

A personal matter

As for the question, I don’t know enough about same-sex relationships and what the best way to answer your child should be. This is a personal matter and only you can decide how it should be done. Still, the subject must come up so that there is clarity and everyone feels comfortable. You do not want your child to get his answers from people who hate all sorts of people. Your personal life is your own. You have to account only to your own conscience.

Things to think about

Having said that are you going to quote the Bible, use common sense, treat the subject in a way that might or might not upset some people, or just give a one sentence response? You can be sure that some people will have a lot to say, but they have their rights too to express their opinion. For this writer I would like to know myself how one would explain two mommies and no daddy. What you tell your children at this age, especially if your child initiated the question, will stay with him and will be his reference material.