Feb 15, 2012

How many times do you take a striker back?

This is a hard question to answer, even for a psychologist. Yet, it is easy to answer where there are no children involved. A man who strikes you will strike you again, and if you do not end the relationship at that time, you will be on an emotional roller coaster for the rest of your life. A woman who marries for the first time has all kinds of dreams. She will be loved, she will be cared for, she will be different from her friends who are all in toxic relationships, and her marriage will be a success. She has every reason to believe that. When the man raises his hand and strikes her, he crushes everything she has believed in, including her self-esteem.

Children suffer the consequences

Where there are children involved, it is a whole different ball game. Parents know that children who are subjected to constant strife in the home, will act out themselves later on. A man has no right to strike a woman. Besides the violence and ugliness, his behavior tells his children that it is all right to be violent and to strike someone when you are upset and cannot get your way. A striker in the home poses serious consequences. The children will live in fear and may even hate their father. They will have emotional scars. There is no single reason that makes it all right for a man to strike his wife. He is callous because he is bigger than her. Worst of all, he does not care for his children. How can you have someone like that in the house and subject the family to danger? Many women will stay on because they have no money to move or it is just too inconvenient to pack up and leave the family home. You decide; the well-being of the children or the words of a liar who will surely strike you again. 

Follow your gut and save your kids

The hardest and most immediate action must be taken. Are you going to spare your children from this kind of abuse or are you going to stay with someone you will hate for the rest of your life? The answer can only be yours. Remember, though, that if you decide to leave, it will be rough in the beginning, but your actions will save your kids and tell your husband that their emotional health means everything to you. If it means you have to temporarily move in with your mother or a family member, you must do so. It will be rough at first, but you will get through it.

Rating your self-confidence

The first question to ask yourself is how self-confident you are. Are you self-confident enough to read on and discover how little confidence you have, or how much? Are you smiling as you read this, or cringing? Do you say yes when you mean no? Do you say things to people you don’t mean just to be accepted into their circle? If you dread confrontation and most times agree with comments just for the sake of fitting in, you may indeed suffer from lack of self-esteem and low self-confidence. The famous actor Charlie Chaplin once said that if you don’t believe in yourself, why should others? Here’s something for you to think about: when you appear needy to others, they shy away. No one wants be around a needy person or a loser.

Developing self-confidence

·                    Believe in yourself; that is the first step. How do you do it? Read books on how to be successful and confident in today’s environment.

·                    Try to learn something new once a week; do something you have never done before.

·                    Take control of your inner voice and don’t run away from trying new things. If you do run away, ask yourself if you are afraid to try because you fear failure. It is all right to fail as long as you keep trying.

·                    Work on your inner voice and don’t entertain negatives. Remember, the inner voice is something deep inside which warns you when something is wrong or does not fit; do not ignore it.

·                    When you meet someone for the first time, dress for the part. Have a straight back, walk tall, look people in the eye. Whatever you do, don’t be the first to avert your eyes; don’t let them stare you down.

·                    Have the self-confidence of Michael Jordan and make the decisions in life that are right for you.

·                    Change your perspective of who you are and read up on how to have a positive mental attitude. This is an internal journey; remember that. When you control your beliefs you are on the path to creating the life you want.

Learning and sharing

Part of learning something new is listening to what others have to say. You do not have all the answers. This life journey we’re on is about sharing and there is something new we can do every day to change someone’s environment. Learning something new also gives you leverage. It says that you’re a person of substance. You have something to talk about. You are to be listened to. Don’t veer from your beliefs. Believe that God loves you and that you can move from low self-esteem to being the confident person you really are by just changing a few things in your life.