Economic and sexual abuse against same sex partner

Does your partner ask you to hand your pay check over to her at the end of the month? Does she look at the slips and what you have bought with your own money and demand that you give it to her? Does she come to your place of employment and threaten to tell your colleagues that you are gay if you do not do what she wants? Does she further threaten your friends that she will force them out of the closet too and make them own up to their sexual preference?


Financial and sexual abuse

• This is economic abuse as well as harassment. No one has a right over your finances; it is yours and yours only to control unless you have signed an agreement whereby she has been appointed in that capacity.

• You also have full rights over your children’s needs and they should be taken care of.

• Don’t be talked into or threatened by your same sex partner to hand your money over to her.

• Be aware of identity theft where your partner has no way of finding out and using your personal details to withdraw money on your accounts.

• Do not treat your partner as a sexual object and criticize her performance in bed.

• Do not withhold sex to make your partner pay for something which she did not agree to.

• Wear protection so that you do not infect your partner and do not be angry if she does not want to have sex for fear that she will be infected.

• If she beats you up for any reason at all report it to the authorities. Don’t be afraid of repercussions as such a person will make life hard for you and you will regret staying on.

• Disagree strongly if she wants you to have sex with other people and either wants you to watch and be a voyeur, or have threesomes, or partake in any bestial acts you don’t want to be part of.

• If your partner rapes you, report the incident and take all the necessary precautions to check yourself out with a doctor, get out of the relationship, and report her to the police.


http://www.raydajacobs.blogspot.com

Wedding shocker

You are a young girl very embedded in the teachings of the church, and decide to remain chaste until your wedding night. When the celebrations are over and you and your partner go to bed, you discover that he is not a man but a woman. You are shocked and feel betrayed as you had followed the commandment not to commit adultery and this is the result. You are also angry with your partner as you feel shame and rejection and now despise your belief system which you feel had set you up.


What do you in such an instance? And how could your partner have kept this from you? And who is to blame; your partner, you, or the church who said no sex before marriage? While this is a drastic and sinful betrayal, all of you are responsible for your own actions. You are not on the Jerry Springer show where stories of betrayal are the order of the day. This is real life. You have gone to church with your partner. You have met with their family. Everyone just assumed that you knew.


What is your part in this and what do you do now? If you are comfortable discovering on your wedding night that your partner is of the same sex and you do not mind, there is nothing to do and nothing to explain. Perhaps your partner even thought that you knew. Maybe deep down you even had a feeling about it or suspected. Whatever it is you have been hugely betrayed and have every right to get an annulment if you so wish.


Here is the big question: do you bring it up with your pastor at the church and ask him how this could have been avoided? Do you feel betrayed now by God and your friend because you did what was asked of you, and were deceived because you did not have pre marital sex which would have made the discovery earlier? People are allowed to try products before they buy; why can’t they apply the same technique before marriage? This writer is not advocating pre marital sex, but in the same breath would it not have been better to have a trial period before marriage where couples can get out of a deceitful arrangement if they have to?


http://www.raydajacobs.blogspot.com

Beware of anti depressants

Suffering from anxiety my entire life, starting at age sixteen when my grandmother’s cures could no longer stem my nervousness and anxiety, I was just given pills by a doctor at Groote Schuur hospital for my ‘nerves’. Why I got the anxiety was never investigated and while my mother tried her best to help me, I was on two pills a day, not knowing what I was taking, but just swallowing two pills a day. The pills worked and I had less anxiety, and even though I quit taking the pills some months later, this started a pattern in my life. I was in high school and I was taking an anti depressant not even knowing that I was setting myself up for a fall.


I was afraid of the dark, I was afraid of death – too many deaths in the family during a single week – I was also afraid that the identification card that my mother obtained illegally for me as a white person so I could enter a college for girls on Strand Street would be discovered and I would be put in jail. A few years later working as a legal secretary in town I got a call at the office from the Criminal Investigations Department (CID) who requested that I come and see them. I called them immediately and then called my mother about the call. She told me to get my father. My father came with a lawyer. We were told that I had been called down to their offices because I had committed a crime. I had sat in the white section of the train, someone had reported me, and I had broken the law.


The fear that this evoked was beyond reasoning. I couldn’t swallow and breathe properly. In the end my father and the lawyer negotiated with the two detectives and asked what crime did I really commit? The lawyer said that I had a good job as a legal secretary and was just trying to be part of society. They learned in this conversation that I had applied for citizenship in Canada and that the visas had arrived for my sister and I. The problem was that I had changed my mind about leaving and did not want to go. The detectives decided not to prosecute me if I left. It was either go to Canada, or be prosecuted. I was back on anti depressants and became thin as a rake.


Again, I got off the medication as I started work in a new country, and had a round panic attacks over the years; once landing in hospital. I was afraid to go out. I had two young children that I was responsible for. I was unhappy and wanted a divorce and to return to my own country. My panic attacks stopped for a few years when I was back in South Africa. And then my anxiety escalated again and I was now under the care of a psychiatrist in Rylands who prescribed Cipralex. I can’t blame the psychiatrist for my woes, but my anxiety was so severe now that if I did not take medication I feared falling on escalators and was afraid to leave my house.


And then six months ago my psychiatrist on a regular visit noticed my right hand shaking. She immediately brought in the neurologist in the next office and one, two, three, without warning I learned that I had Parkinson’s. I write this in the hope that people suffering from anxiety try everything from stress management to yoga, meditation, massages, and other natural methods before taking a pill. Treatment must include a psychiatrist who is a good listener and where you can talk and unravel the cause of your anxiety. I was told by my late grandfather that I used to throw myself to the ground and turn blue when I heard I had to come home from my Christmas holidays at my grandfather’s place. It started from the age of two and was never unearthed as people did not place much value on nervous children and I only learned this when I was married in Canada. As I write this, I am investigating Azilect, as not only is it a drug I know nothing about, but I refuse to be ignorant any longer of what I put in my body for a quick fix.


http://www.raydajacobs.blogspot.com