Jun 28, 2012

Emotional dishonesty on the internet

You meet a nice guy on the internet and a friendship soon develops between you where all is good and above board and he is a nice, genuine friend. After dozens of email exchanges you decide to meet, and you arrive at the restaurant where you are going to have dinner and find that he is sitting in a wheelchair. You are shocked. He never mentioned his disability. What do you do? He is a nice man and you still like him, but he has been dishonest with you in not disclosing that he has a disability. Do you feel you’ve been tricked? Do you ask him about it? Do you have the dinner and not mention it? Do you become angry? After all, it is just a dinner date and you supposedly are only friends. Your own honesty will be tested with what you do next.

Possible responses

• You can greet him and not act surprised and have dinner as you normally would and not mention anything at all and when you get home, just delete him from the computer.

• You can greet him and bring up the matter, as it has to be addressed, after the drinks have been served and while you are waiting for dinner. You could ask him why in over a hundred letters between you he did not mention the fact that he was wheelchair bound.

• You can get angry and become rude, which is not going to serve anyone.

• You can be sympathetic and understand why he’s done it, and if he is enough of a friend and you like his company, tell him honestly that you would like to be friends only and that you have no hidden desires.

• You can also go home, write him a nice note thanking him for dinner, not mentioning anything of his disability and delete him from your life. If you are a true friend and really had no intentions or expectations, you could remain his friend.

In conclusion, there was dishonesty involved in that he omitted important information about himself in order to get a date, but one can certainly understand why. Probably he has been rejected many times and wanted to meet you first before he told you. If you truly have no expectations, you can forgive him and continue with the friendship. It is up to you.


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