Mar 20, 2012

Who is in charge - the parents or the kids?

I can understand why some parents are forced to get nannies; they just do not have a clue how to raise kids. Some kids are precocious and will test you. Others take rudeness to a new level and the parents do nothing about it. They have screamed so much at their children, they don’t know how to parent. On a program I watched recently on Dr Phil three toddlers had taken over the house with shouting and screaming and throwing things around the kitchen and living room. I watched in amazement how the oldest boy, five years old was crying and refused to do what he was told. He already had a broken arm from a previous fight, and absolutely had no control over his behavior. The nanny would suggest one thing and the parents would say another. It didn’t take long to see what the problem was; the father. Instead of helping the children calm down and being nice to his wife, he made snide remarks and told her this was happening on her guard, and she was to blame. In the middle of all this mayhem he was defending himself and she just sat down and cried.

Figure of authority

The first thing that had to be done was obvious to everyone. The parents had to be taught how to be parents first before they could parent their own children. They did not know how to set boundaries. They did not see through a time-out or a punishment. They gave in to the kids at all times and the kids ran the house. The nanny succeeded because she would say something and mean it. She would tell the kids in a firm voice that they had to sit at the table and eat their food without fighting or interruption. She would open her bag of tricks and take out the timer which would measure their time-outs. If the child did not complete his three-minute time-out and came out of the room, two more minutes would be added to it. Of course, the nanny was a strapping lass from yonder meadows and just the sound of her voice would get you hopping. The most amazing nanny tool she had was how she spoke to the children. The kids would have kinder feelings towards her than to their own parents.

Raise your kids for others

One should not have to rely on others or a bag of tricks to parent our kids. First, it does not say much about the parents and shows that they are weak, and second, children who are rude and unmannerly at this age will be a lot worse when they are teens. Remember parents, you are raising your kids for other people’s kids. What kind of grand kids do you want – the same rude and out of hand kids that you had? It is not the fault of the children when they act out. They need listening to. They need respect. They don’t have direction. They don’t know whether it is mom or dad they should listen to. The first step for this couple would be to see a marriage counselor. They are just not any good for their kids if they don’t go for counseling themselves. Instead of shouting at them, teach them to be productive human beings.

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