Mar 21, 2012

Dealing with an obnoxious young adult

Do you have a teenage son who’s a bully, is mean to his younger brother and sister and is even rude to you? Does he swear at you and stand up to his father and kick things around the house? Is everyone in the home afraid of him and avoids him? If there is a father in the home the two of you have to sit down and decide what to do and then carry it out. If your son is mean and hurts his siblings and everyone is afraid of him, it’s time to take matters in hand. If you don’t you will all be at the mercy of an eighteen year old tyrant; and it is not his house, it’s yours.

Practice tough love and stick to the plan

There is tough love and there is tough love with allowances. This is not the latter. This is no-holds barred ‘getting your kid to face up to his obnoxiousness, stop his abusive behavior, and become a useful, participating member of the family. If he is not interested in changing, the worst thing you can do is sweep it under the carpet until the next time an explosion erupts. Suggest that you all see a family counselor and discuss what is going on, when the behavior started, what was done about it. Be firm in expressing what you want; do not act like someone who is afraid. Tell him straight out what the consequences will be if he does not obey.

If he tells you to go to hell and that he is not interested in someone else’s advice, you and your husband both sit down with him. Let the husband do the talking; if the husband does not think his son is rude and laughs at his obnoxious behavior, you know that this will be an uphill battle but one that you will have to win. It does not take a genius to know that your husband is part of the problem and that he has been a bad role model for his son and this necessitates even more the reason for a consultation. Here are some ways to deal with your son if he refuses all your efforts for rehabilitation.

• Do not give him an allowance; anyone with a big mouth and who is rude to his parents has no need for a family and can move out.

• Take back the house and car keys.

• Tell him that if he does not come with you to see a family counselor that you will go to the police station and report his abusive behavior.

• Ask for an officer to show him the inside of a jail and a chance to meet some of the inmates who will be only too glad to give him a lesson in humility.

• Tell him to stay away from the other kids and not to hang about the school grounds. Bad news travels fast and you don’t want to embarrass your other kids
• Tell him you still love him, but you have other children too and they need your attention.

• Tell him the door is open if he wants to come back and earnestly become a member of the family which comes with rules and regulations.

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