Jun 14, 2012
Handling an unsettling relationshhip
A relationship has gone stale and the parties involved have no clue what is wrong and whether they should stay on in a toxic relationship or bale ship. They are clueless, act like kids, and have neither the questions or the answers. The article provides solid advice on the kind of relationship they are in and how to go about maintaining a meaningful relationship.
I agree with Jessica Hess. If you have to ask a stranger what to do without offering enough information as to the problem area in your relationship, how can someone advise you? As well, even if you do provide information no one of us can tell you what to do. You know the person, his weaknesses and his strengths. Other people can't make this decision for you. To be successful in your relationship you should at least know how to articulate the problem and have some ideas. Here are some suggestions to help you determine what it is that you want to fix or change - and remember you can't change anyone; they must want to do it.
First, your letters give sparse information and I get the feeling that you yourself can't put your finger on the problem. So here is a first bit of advice. Don't play the damsel in distress when you seek help. Know what is wrong and what you want and ask for it.
Ask your partner what it is exactly that he wants and listen to what he has to say. Some women listen, but nothing sticks and they just ramble on and on and go in circles.
Discuss your problem quietly when the kids, if there are any, are asleep or not around. Children can be deeply scarred if they witness a parent in distress or fear they are leaving the house.
If your problem with your partner is so bad that you cannot discuss it with anyone because extracting information is like pulling teeth, seek the help of a marriage counselor or a psychologist to help you get to the heart of the problem. We don't always know what is best to do and we are homemade psychologists.
Anyone who has to ask someone else if they should break up makes one think that you don't really know anything about men and don't know yourself what is wrong. Usually, partners know exactly how they feel, and will list their complaints or grievances in one sentence - he cheated on me - he smacked me in the face - he stole money out of my purse - he did this or that.
Ask him directly what his problem is and whether he is interested in making the relationship work. If he is vague or shies away from the question or refuses to answer, it may be that he is no longer interested. Yes, you have to take that answer into account. We fall in love, and we also fall out of love.