Spying not cool

In some homes it is not cool to use the word ‘spy’ or ‘spying’, yet it is something parents often indulge in when they suspect that a child is running around with the wrong crowd or may have brought something into the house which may be dangerous, illegal or incriminating and which may affect the whole family. As a parent you don’t want to be seen as spying on a child by going through his pockets while he is at school. That means you do not trust your child and he won’t be happy about it. Having said that, there are boundaries which should be discussed.

Privacy

Your three-year old might close the bathroom door on you for the first time. Does it mean he is being rude? No, he simply wants privacy, and as a parent you have to respect this. There comes a time for all children when they grow from toddlers into preteens and then young adults and boundaries have to be established along the way. Just like you, a child has rights and needs privacy. At the same time, you are the parent and the owner of the house and have every right to know what goes on in your house. A parent might go into a child’s room to clean up and not read through his diary. A child might feel violated if you read his personal notes and scratched through his things. Sit down and establish boundaries. Your kids are growing all the time. They should know what is allowed and what is off limits.

Responsibility and accountability

If your child is neat, cleans his room, does his chores and meets all his obligations, there should be no reason to look through his things. Privacy is important for a child. He needs a place to go to where it is off limits for parents. You don’t want to be seen as prying or rifling through his drawers. He will not trust you, and you don’t want that. You want to raise an independent child.  Some moms are famous for looking through their children's things. If you suspect that one of your children trolls the internet to talk to girls, do not go into the site without first telling him that you are going to do so. Let him have his own space; he is growing up.

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When you love too much

A relationship geared for the sole purpose of pleasing one person only is bound to fail as it is unbalanced and not based on love and companionship, but fear. The woman is needy and wants to be with him all the time. She is afraid of another woman on the scene. She knows him for a short time but feels desperate when he is on the phone to someone else. A man is the centre of her universe. She must always have one and will do anything to keep him even if she demeans herself in the process. She operates in the mistaken belief that if she does everything for him, he will stay with her. She does not want him to participate in his weekly poker games with the boys; she wants to know who is on the telephone calling him. What she in fact does is alienate the man who thinks her a pushover and still takes advantage of her generosity. She allows herself to be defined by a man and is surprised when he leaves her. 

Signs of a desperate woman

·         A woman who mistakes sex for love and gives in to the man whenever he wants it; whether she is in the mood or not. She is too afraid to say no because she believes if she does not get it on with him he will see her as being frigid and lose him.

·         A woman who caters to a man who is uncaring and when he cannot get his way becomes rude and insults her. She feels hurt but instead of discussing the situation and setting down the terms for a relationship, she keeps it all inside and suffers in silence.

·         A woman who says nothing to the man when he comes home late every night and who has little interaction with her.

·         A woman who is so desperate for the affections of a man that she will abandon her friends because he asks her to.  He is jealous of her friends, yet makes no effort to have a relationship with her.

·         A woman who puts a man’s goals first and let her own dreams flounder.

·         A woman who is forced to do things against her will and is pushed by a partner into unsavoury sexual acts.

·         A woman who does not love herself and waits for others to define who she is.

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Why happiness is important for a long and healthy life

Happiness is a state of mind and people who are happy generally live longer than those who have many regrets and are always feeling low. A study involving nuns indicate that at the age of 85, 90% of the nuns with a cheerful background or history were still alive compared to just 54% of the least cheerful. To be happy means you feel light and free rather than congested and blocked up psychologically. A person who is happy embraces life and is anxious for the day to begin whereas an unhappy person feels morbid and solemn and drags you down with them, not intentionally but nevertheless. A person who is constantly dark and morbid is hard to be around; you feel under pressure to cheer him up; feeling bright and cheery makes for a pleasant environment.

Happiness and optimism

·         The most important reason why happiness is important is that happy and positive feelings can change the chemical make-up of our bodies, and produce chemicals which enhance immunity and cell repair. 

·         People who are optimistic get what they want as they constantly look for opportunities; people who are depressed do not believe in achieving anything. Optimists make lemonade out of lemons. They bounce back fast after a set-back. Their happiness is in line with their optimistic attitude. Consequently, they have a wholesome and happy life.

·         Someone who generates good cheer and sees the bright side in everything is more likely to attract a fun-loving individual into his life rather than someone who constantly mopes and feels depressed. 

Luck and virtue

There is a link between ‘doing good’ and feeling good. When you are happy and healthy you become generous and want to enlighten others and share what you know. You are positive. You are patient and kind. You create a ripple effect in the pool which spreads wider and wider and benefits everyone. Did you know that there is a link between luck and virtue? Think about it.

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