In some homes it is not cool to use the word ‘spy’ or ‘spying’,
yet it is something parents often indulge in when they suspect that a child is
running around with the wrong crowd or may have brought something into the
house which may be dangerous, illegal or incriminating and which may affect the
whole family. As a parent you don’t want to be seen as spying on a child by
going through his pockets while he is at school. That means you do not trust
your child and he won’t be happy about it. Having said that, there are
boundaries which should be discussed.
Privacy
Your three-year old might close the bathroom door on you for
the first time. Does it mean he is being rude? No, he simply wants privacy, and
as a parent you have to respect this. There comes a time for all children when
they grow from toddlers into preteens and then young adults and boundaries have
to be established along the way. Just like you, a child has rights and needs
privacy. At the same time, you are the parent and the owner of the house and have
every right to know what goes on in your house. A parent might go into a child’s
room to clean up and not read through his diary. A child might feel violated if
you read his personal notes and scratched through his things. Sit down and establish
boundaries. Your kids are growing all the time. They should know what is
allowed and what is off limits.
Responsibility and
accountability
If your child is neat, cleans his room, does his chores and
meets all his obligations, there should be no reason to look through his
things. Privacy is important for a child. He needs a place to go to where it is
off limits for parents. You don’t want to be seen as prying or rifling through
his drawers. He will not trust you, and you don’t want that. You want to raise
an independent child. Some moms are
famous for looking through their children's things. If you suspect that one of your children trolls
the internet to talk to girls, do not go into the site without first telling
him that you are going to do so. Let him have his own space; he is growing up.
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