Jun 16, 2012
Greatest fears of a single mom
If you are newly divorced, the papers have been signed and the rights of the children established, you might find yourself suddenly in a lonely place not knowing where to start. You have got used to a man looking after you, paying the bills, fixing the car, and the last person at night to lock the door. You question your own strength and wonder whether you will be able to make it on your own.
Of course you will be able to; you just have to believe in yourself. You might have to learn how to manage your finances, and pony up to the responsibility you will have when the kids are in your care. Your children, most of all, will need you as they miss their father and it will take time for these feelings of fear to subside.
Round table discussion with the kids
• Their father has left and you are the only one in charge. Meet in the kitchen with the kids and over hot chocolate tell them that you are still a family and that the only thing that has changed is that your father has a new address now.
• Tell them that their father loves them and that nothing has changed in that department. The two of you still love and respect each other but have decided to live separately.
• Tell them that they can speak to their father every day on the telephone or on Skype and that he is just a phone call and four miles away.
• Tell them too that their father will still attend parent nights or activities and plays at the school. If it is not a week night, they could also stay over at their father’s house.
• Don’t interfere with established routines such as a chore roster and a reward system for chores. Keep things the same as much as you can. Too much change for a child all at once is confusing.
• If the marriage ended because of another woman don’t speak ill of the woman as she might end up as their stepmother.
• Tell your kids not to embarrass their father in front of people because they are angry and want to take revenge.
• Spend individual time with each child when they go to bed. Take this time to feel out whether all is fine with your child.