Jun 16, 2012

Life after divorce

There is nothing to console someone who has just come out of a divorce except to say that life will get better, that you will regain your power and strength, and that it becomes easier as time goes on. It is indeed a tough road to hoe. You have a career, you have to juggle work and kids, you are in charge of the finances. You feel sorry for yourself as it is only you and the kids. Wake up. You are now in the real world where what you do will determine your future. You have a right to grieve and go through all the stages of mourning, but at some point you have to come out of it and take stock of your life.

Divorce is very much like a death. You are mourning a loss; a loss of affection, of a partner and of someone you have become used to in ten or more years. In some ways it is more debilitating than a divorce as the person is still alive and you have fantasies of working it out and being together. Don’t despair. There is life after divorce.

Tips to help you through this period of grief

• Get out of feeling sorry for yourself and accept that it will be tough for some time to come, and then the sun will shine again and you will regain your strength.

• Hook up with single moms at a forum or in someone’s house and just enjoy the new friendships you will make.

• Here comes a tough one. Create a friendship with your former partner so that it makes it easier to deal with the rights of the children; where they will live, the schools they will attend, whether they will be going to church, and if so, the dates and times they will be with their father.

• Don’t be difficult and start out with outrageous demands. You want an easy after-divorce relationship for the sake of the kids.

• Talk to your kids and make time for yourself. Bear in mind that when there is too much change in a child’s life it becomes confusing for him.

• Encourage a good relationship between the kids’ father and the new person in his life. You will feel better after doing such a decent thing.

• Find a new passion such as gardening or writing and put yourself
• wholeheartedly in it.

• Make new friends and see how you flourish as a human being as time goes by.

• Most of all, value your time with your kids because all too soon they are grown up and they will leave to set up homes of their own.


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