Jun 16, 2012

Would you date someone fifteen years younger?

I have done it and was not cut out for it. I was constantly aware of being 45 and him being 30. Consequently I did not want to go out a lot or introduce him to my female friends. They had already told me he was a delectable catch and wished they were so lucky to have a man of thirty that looked like that and was so crazy about me.

I was astounded too by my own behavior. I was a confident girl and never shied from challenge. I bought a new wardrobe, shoes I could hardly stand on, wore sleeveless things with tight pants. Wherever we went he showed me off; he wanted us to live together. I chose not to at the time. One weekend we were alone together and he came into the kitchen where I was making flapjacks. He sat on a bar stool. I will never forget. He was silent for a good long time and then told me to sit facing him. In four words he told me “I can’t marry you”. With that he left me sitting in shock, and with that I ran a hot bath and sat in it until my mother who had a key came to the flat and found me in a bath of cold water. I never saw him again. I never called him. I had a two-week cry and then picked up the bits and pieces of my life and moved on.

In hindsight I can say that the relationship would never have worked as it was built on a foundation of fear. In my gut I knew it was going to be hard work and maybe heartbreaking to enter such a relationship, but he was so gorgeous I couldn’t resist. Many years later I heard from a friend that he did not want to marry a Muslim girl. I am not surprised and don’t regret it. I learned some hard lessons from dabbling with babes. I was prepared to sell my soul to the devil. I ignored the tiny voice in my head which had always guided me. Luckily for me it happened at forty and not at sixty or sixty five.

There is a lot of pressure on women of forty or forty five who have mates much younger than themselves. They have to keep up, they have to think young, and settle for benign conversation. When you look at some of the celebrities today where the women are more than five or ten years older than the man you can count the number of procedures and just know it is not going to last. Last thing I heard, he is now married to a Muslim girl.


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