Jul 4, 2012

Do you love someone enough to let him go?

You have been married for several years, you married your best friend, you have had eight glorious years together, but while you love your partner dearly as a friend, you are not in love. One night your partner comes home from work and tells you that he has met someone, and that he is in love. He says he is being honest with you by telling you and that if you don’t want him to leave, he will stay.

What do you do? He is your best friend. How can best friends do that? But you understand because you too are not in love. You have always understood one another. You have enjoyed the best that friendship can offer. Do you get angry and threaten him? If you were not married to him you would know what to say and what you would do is give him the same advice you would give to a friend – and that is to tell him to follow his heart and that you wish him well. Can friendship extend that far? Can one be that understanding that one can give up one’s partner for the sake of good friendship?

Hard as it may be to believe, the best would be to release your friend from his marital obligation. If you yearn for someone else, the relationship eventually becomes toxic if you don’t leave. We cannot make someone love us, and fighting about it will not work. If you consider that your own marriage was based on a deep friendship, all your partner is guilty of is telling you. As your friend and not as a partner, he was honest. You cannot help if you fall in love with someone else. Arguing will not bring him back; not emotionally and not from the heart.

Give your friend your blessings and be happy for him. You can still be friends. Remember that episode in Seinfeld where Jerry and Elaine refrained from having sex, ‘for the sake of the friendship’? If you were such good friends, giving up the sex is not a big deal as you will always have that person’s back and his friendship.


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