If it is an occasional occurrence and only happens when he
cannot fall asleep because of a nightmare or sounds in the house, it is not a
big thing. It takes a while for children to traverse between their own bed and
their parents’ bed to feel comfortable and get into a routine. Some kids even
return in the middle of the night to their beds. They want to sleep on their
own and be independent. Creeping in with mom and dad is only a temporary thing.
If it is not a temporary thing and the child insists on sleeping in his
parents’ bed, it becomes a different matter altogether.
Getting older
Children over the age
of three or four should only share a room with a same-sex sibling. Girls should
be with girls, and boys with boys. Girls should not sleep with their father and
sons should not sleep with their mother no matter what the circumstances. The
real problem though is why little Johnny or Mary can’t fall asleep. Do they fear
the night? Does something happen when it becomes dark? Are they hyper, anxious,
troubled, or afraid? Is there something else bothering your child – something
you don’t know about and should know? Do you have a visitor or a relative staying
overnight? Is the child’s routine disturbed, or is it just plain fear fearing
fear?
Silence speaks louder
than words
When you speak to people today who have had the benefit of
therapy after being abused, you are shocked when you learn for the first time
how an old grandfather or an uncle had seduced one of them when they were young
and how the kids had been forced to keep silent. The files of social workers and therapists
are full of grim tales and details of men and women talking about how they had
been touched and fingered in the past against their will. They were kids once. When
you meet them years later you don’t know what their stories are but know that
it has to do with sex and abuse. Maybe little Johnny has a secret and is afraid
to go to bed because the man will come to his room. Who knows? Parents today have to be more careful with
their children than before. When a child is silent and does not want to sleep
alone he is usually afraid.
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