Dec 3, 2012

Is it possible to find companionship at 65?

I imagine it is, especially with the help of the internet where you can talk and see and not be within touching distance. I remember the days when people would hide the fact that they used the internet to search for a man. There was a stigma attached to this kind of dating. Now it is commonplace and some people even talk about the experience and show off their new mates. 

When Facebook first became available a man posted a comment on my site and said that he liked the article I wrote on my blog. I replied to say thank you and he wrote back and sent me his picture. It was a nice photograph of a tall guy with blue eyes, in blue jeans, with a shaven head, 45. I looked at the photo and thought, mmm, why did he do this; I didn’t ask him for a picture. I was just writing to say thanks.  Anyway, he w rote on my wall and asked whether I would like to have coffee with him. I thought about it and wrote back, Hi, I am 65, I have a bad back, an aching right leg, and I have Parkinson’s – do you still want to have coffee? Of course I was being facetious and testing to see how the dating world coped. He wrote back and said, well, I could massage your leg and you could cum. That was all I had to hear. Writing that c word and so early in the game, was enough to tell me that he didn’t have any depth. The dating world hadn’t paused for a second, I thought. I wasn’t disturbed or anything; it amused me. 

I think dating a man on the internet allows you a lot of time to do your own research on him, to do a background check, to see if he is who he says he is, and just keep it friendly. I do know three or four couples who have trolled the sites and successfully found partners. I looked through a few of the guys; after a while one picture blended into another and they all looked the same, they all had the same boring interests, and they were all looking for love – as if love could be found with a few keyboard clicks with a man of integrity at the other end. 

The best way to meet a guy is to hang out with your friends. Choose friends who are younger than you and are fun to be with.  Go out bowling in a group. Plan a hike to the Cederberg mountains. Choose an activity where there are other people around and all love doing the same things. Go to the Caledon Spa in the mountains for a full body massage and then go out for a late lunch. When you hang with a particular group for a while you get to know the people in the group. These kinds of outings and activities allow you to get to know someone who might have the same interests as you. The secret of finding the right guy is NOT to look for a right guy as he is already there, undetected, waiting for you to show up.

Is it healthy for your eight year old son to sleep in your bed?

If it is an occasional occurrence and only happens when he cannot fall asleep because of a nightmare or sounds in the house, it is not a big thing. It takes a while for children to traverse between their own bed and their parents’ bed to feel comfortable and get into a routine. Some kids even return in the middle of the night to their beds. They want to sleep on their own and be independent. Creeping in with mom and dad is only a temporary thing. If it is not a temporary thing and the child insists on sleeping in his parents’ bed, it becomes a different matter altogether. 

Getting older
 Children over the age of three or four should only share a room with a same-sex sibling. Girls should be with girls, and boys with boys. Girls should not sleep with their father and sons should not sleep with their mother no matter what the circumstances. The real problem though is why little Johnny or Mary can’t fall asleep. Do they fear the night? Does something happen when it becomes dark? Are they hyper, anxious, troubled, or afraid? Is there something else bothering your child – something you don’t know about and should know? Do you have a visitor or a relative staying overnight? Is the child’s routine disturbed, or is it just plain fear fearing fear? 

Silence speaks louder than words
When you speak to people today who have had the benefit of therapy after being abused, you are shocked when you learn for the first time how an old grandfather or an uncle had seduced one of them when they were young and how the kids had been forced to keep silent.  The files of social workers and therapists are full of grim tales and details of men and women talking about how they had been touched and fingered in the past against their will. They were kids once. When you meet them years later you don’t know what their stories are but know that it has to do with sex and abuse. Maybe little Johnny has a secret and is afraid to go to bed because the man will come to his room. Who knows?  Parents today have to be more careful with their children than before. When a child is silent and does not want to sleep alone he is usually afraid.