Mar 3, 2012

I’m just not that into you

You cannot change the mind of someone who says to you after a long and happy run as a couple, I’m just not that into you, and expect the person not to wonder what you are talking about. Hearing your partner say those words must be the hardest indictment on whom and what you are, except that you’re not that great. Some women will make themselves more attractive in the hope of stirring up the old attraction. Other women, this writer included, will not even want to know why. Why? If a man is no longer attracted to you, let him go and don’t wait for scraps. Why do you want to hang on for a second rate kind of love? Do you place such little value on yourself?

Valuing yourself

Anyone who utters those words has taken a long time to build up the guts to say it. It is possibly the ugliest thing you can say to someone you have purportedly loved. It says, I don’t dig you – you’re not my type – you’re not interesting – not attractive – I don’t want to be with you – and a lot more. Why would someone persist in knowing why? You can’t slap love on a meat board and dissect it. It is intangible. It is subject to your own understanding of the meaning of love. Once those words are uttered, it’s over. Your self-esteem is crushed. You don’t need to understand what has happened. You just have to extricate yourself and get out. If you stay, it will be a slow, depressing descent watching what little self-esteem you have left take you down. Right now, snap yourself out of it! Instead of feeling sorry for yourself do the following:

·                    First, be honest and ask yourself when you first suspected that the relationship had changed and why you did not deal with it at that time. Often people know in their heart that it is over, but they hang on.

·                    Make a paper and pen list of all the hard things he has said to you in the past; using a paper and pen stead of a computer will slow you down and you have time to think as well as write.

·                    Give your self-esteem a boost by admitting that you are as guilty as he and write down his faults, and also list yours. You will be surprised at the results.

·                    There is no need for any great analysis; if a relationship turns sour and there are no feelings left, it is a foolhardy or desperate person who wants to stay on, and so also add to their feelings of low self-esteem.

Preparing your toddler for a sibling

If you are pregnant with your second child and your toddler is starting to get jealous, this is something you should take cognizance of and deal with early. If you are fatigued now, you will be more fatigued when the new baby arrives and it will help you enormously if you plan a new schedule ahead of time. Here are some quick and easy ways to prepare and introduce your toddler to the sibling which is due any day.

Rearrange your priorities

·                    Make a grocery list for one month’s food and other supplies and call in the order so you don’t need to leave the house;

·                    Rearrange your toddler’s play dates and other activities to accommodate the new baby in the house;

·                    Order diapers and wipes in bulk as you are going to need them for a long time;

·                    Spend enough time with your toddler as you want to avoid jealousy;

·                    While you are still pregnant introduce the subject of a new sibling so that by the time the baby is born it is not a shock;

·                    Let dad have a special bonding session with her by taking her out on his own;

·                    It is important not to neglect your daughter at this time; show her the items you have bought for the baby. Let her choose some of the bonnets and bootees and show her the christening dress you have bought. Tell her the dress is extra special as she had worn it first;

·                    Discuss some of the names you may wish to consider for the new infant; don’t leave her out of things. Remember, she was the first on the scene;

·                    Ask her how she feels about sharing a room with the baby or whether she wants to be on her own, and then give her a chance to express how she thinks the new room should look;

·                    When the baby arrives, don’t make a huge fuss and don’t forget to include her in everything;

·                    Sit up close with her on the bed and the infant so she can feel part of the process when the baby is being fed – and let her touch the new baby;

·                    Spend enough alone time with your toddler and don’t make a huge fuss of the new arrival. Your toddler needs time to come to terms with what is happening.