I’m just not that into you

You cannot change the mind of someone who says to you after a long and happy run as a couple, I’m just not that into you, and expect the person not to wonder what you are talking about. Hearing your partner say those words must be the hardest indictment on whom and what you are, except that you’re not that great. Some women will make themselves more attractive in the hope of stirring up the old attraction. Other women, this writer included, will not even want to know why. Why? If a man is no longer attracted to you, let him go and don’t wait for scraps. Why do you want to hang on for a second rate kind of love? Do you place such little value on yourself?

Valuing yourself

Anyone who utters those words has taken a long time to build up the guts to say it. It is possibly the ugliest thing you can say to someone you have purportedly loved. It says, I don’t dig you – you’re not my type – you’re not interesting – not attractive – I don’t want to be with you – and a lot more. Why would someone persist in knowing why? You can’t slap love on a meat board and dissect it. It is intangible. It is subject to your own understanding of the meaning of love. Once those words are uttered, it’s over. Your self-esteem is crushed. You don’t need to understand what has happened. You just have to extricate yourself and get out. If you stay, it will be a slow, depressing descent watching what little self-esteem you have left take you down. Right now, snap yourself out of it! Instead of feeling sorry for yourself do the following:

·                    First, be honest and ask yourself when you first suspected that the relationship had changed and why you did not deal with it at that time. Often people know in their heart that it is over, but they hang on.

·                    Make a paper and pen list of all the hard things he has said to you in the past; using a paper and pen stead of a computer will slow you down and you have time to think as well as write.

·                    Give your self-esteem a boost by admitting that you are as guilty as he and write down his faults, and also list yours. You will be surprised at the results.

·                    There is no need for any great analysis; if a relationship turns sour and there are no feelings left, it is a foolhardy or desperate person who wants to stay on, and so also add to their feelings of low self-esteem.

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