Greatest fears of a single mom

If you are newly divorced, the papers have been signed and the rights of the children established, you might find yourself suddenly in a lonely place not knowing where to start. You have got used to a man looking after you, paying the bills, fixing the car, and the last person at night to lock the door. You question your own strength and wonder whether you will be able to make it on your own.


Of course you will be able to; you just have to believe in yourself. You might have to learn how to manage your finances, and pony up to the responsibility you will have when the kids are in your care. Your children, most of all, will need you as they miss their father and it will take time for these feelings of fear to subside.


Round table discussion with the kids

• Their father has left and you are the only one in charge. Meet in the kitchen with the kids and over hot chocolate tell them that you are still a family and that the only thing that has changed is that your father has a new address now.

• Tell them that their father loves them and that nothing has changed in that department. The two of you still love and respect each other but have decided to live separately.

• Tell them that they can speak to their father every day on the telephone or on Skype and that he is just a phone call and four miles away.

• Tell them too that their father will still attend parent nights or activities and plays at the school. If it is not a week night, they could also stay over at their father’s house.

• Don’t interfere with established routines such as a chore roster and a reward system for chores. Keep things the same as much as you can. Too much change for a child all at once is confusing.

• If the marriage ended because of another woman don’t speak ill of the woman as she might end up as their stepmother.

• Tell your kids not to embarrass their father in front of people because they are angry and want to take revenge.

• Spend individual time with each child when they go to bed. Take this time to feel out whether all is fine with your child.

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Is it becoming fashionable to reveal you have Parkinson’s

A few years ago Michael J Fox announced that he had Parkinson’s, a degenerative disease of the brain, and people were astounded that he would come out and announce it in public. He made appearances on television and spoke about it, hoping to encourage the scientific community to find out more about it. Parkinson’s is a degenerative disease and you can never cure it; if you are lucky it can be arrested with very expensive medication. The sooner you discover you have it the better your chance to stave it off and arrest it.


Celebrities who have come out

Not long after we learned about Michael J Fox we discovered that the great boxer Muhamad Ali also had contracted the disease and we saw both of these celebrities making appearances in the hope to spread information about it. In one such appearance Michael J Fox took no medication beforehand in order to show the progression of the disease and the physical symptoms if he was not taking it. He came out on the stage extremely nervous looking, his arms dangling and shaking, and his speech visibly impaired.


Just a few weeks ago another celebrity, co-anchor of “Good Morning America”, Robin Roberts, also came out and revealed that she had been diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS), a disease of the blood and bone marrow known once as preleukemia. My own diagnosis of Parkiinson’s is just a few months old although I probably had it for months already before I knew and was diagnosed.


Benefits of knowing that you are ill

There are no benefits having a degenerative disease as it will become taxing in the later stages. There are four stages and I am in the first stages. Probably Fox and Ali are in the third stages and they are otherwise healthy except for knowing they are ill, and have physical symptoms. Coming out and revealing this to the world takes courage, and when I was diagnosed I did not cry about it. I had the scans, am taking the meds and with a new way of eating feel healthier now than for years before the diagnosis.


Reasons for coming out

There are many reasons for coming out: we don’t want to be treated as invalids; we don’t want you to step back when you first meet us and learn we have Parkinson’s; we are not contagious so there is no need to step back. We also do not want you to feel sorry for us and constantly refer to our health. Fixing it in the mind is the first thing, and then you have to live it. Besides all the things such as bucket lists and what you would now do to prepare for the end is behind me. Every day is a bonus and I love life and live it to the fullest. Coming out and announcing my illness to my family and friends was my way to say that I am all right and do not worry about me.

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How to use the right brain for inspiration and ideas

Long before I learned about the left and right brain, I was always a reader and a scribbler trying out new ideas. Not much attention was paid to it because it was just put down to my having a larger imagination than most kids. My scribbling became serious over the years and soon I was published. One day I read the book Writing the Natural Way by Gabriele Lusser Rico and my writing took a turn for the best.


The author, an English lecturer, found that even though his students improved their grammar and writing under regular tuition, their writing was turgid and flat and had no rhythm and recurrences and was quite frankly dull. I used the teachings in the book not only to improve my own writing but also to teach high school students privately in my home how to write. If you are interested in coming up with new ideas for a short story or article or any piece of writing, follow these instructions to liven up your prose.


Preparing for the writing process before you start

• Pick a quiet spot in your house where you can relax and write in an atmosphere which is conducive to you. I write in my room and even have my television and reclining bike in it. It is my personal space. Picking the right spot is important as you do not want to be interrupted.
• Be in a receptive mood and read the instructions below a few time. Take off the handset on the telephone. Have your pen and your blank paper ready.


Developing your characters

• Let’s say you want to develop a really great character, before you start writing, you are going to google the right brain for ideas on a clear sheet of paper. Write the name of the character in the middle of the page and draw a circle around it. This is your nucleus word from where all your character’s traits are listed. As you write down a word you draw a circle around it. You will experience a surge as the words flow from your brain.

• Do not stop to consider whether you really shouldn’t write that word you had in mind; the idea is that once you start, think of nothing but your description of Ruby and keep writing down word after word which pops into your head from the word and draw a circle around it.

• Remember the right brain is your fun instigator and wants you to step out of the box and be original; your left brain is the teacher and critic who stands ready with the cane to tell you not to s tart a sentence with but. Hogwash! You can break the rules depending on the prose.

• When you have finished googling the word Ruby and have a page full of scribbles you will have a wealth of information from which to build your character and give you a starting point. You will find after an hour of these exercises that your brain is tired. Take a break. Or continue to write until the urge dissipates. You can use this exercise not only for building a character, but also to structure your book where you do an outline and plot out the chapters.

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