The journey we don't prepare for

It is uncanny that when someone dies and we attend the funeral we are starkly reminded of the gift of life and what is at the end of the line for all of us. We take life for granted. We don’t ‘save up’ good deeds when we are in the midst of life because we don’t spend much time thinking about it. During our lifetime we save up money in the bank for future needs; we don’t save up good deeds and kindnesses to take with us to the grave. My late South African grandmother, a very religious woman who died decades ago, was quite unique. Like all the older people of her time, she had bought her own burial cloth and had it in a special section of the bedroom cupboard. She told us children to remember that when she dies we are to look for the dried rose leaves and the kafan – white linen burial cloth – in the box in the back of the cupboard. She was mindful and religious and thankful for every day of her life.

On the weekend we had a death in the family and as Muslim funerals go, my stepmother passed on in the morning, and a few hours later she was in the ground. The Muslim funeral machine goes into full operation when someone dies. One person takes care of signing the papers and getting the body from the hospital. Another person takes care of getting benches and chairs and removing all furniture from one of the bedrooms and setting up the kat’l – the metal bath on which the body will be placed for the washing ritual. Food is ordered. An imam is contacted. Muslim radio is informed so that the news can go out. The mosque is on alert that a funeral will take place at whatever time is stipulated – sometimes at night. Everything works with clockwork precision getting the planks, the kafan, ordering food – always there must be food – and everyone knowing exactly what is required of him to facilitate a smooth funeral. Only when you are standing in the room paying your last respects to your deceased relative do you think about your own death, and you vow to lead a more spiritual life. There are prayers on the third night, the fortieth night, and on the hundredth night. When the hundred days are over, you have forgotten everything – until later, when it is your turn, to lay on the kat’l.


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Home heating and protecting your family from carbon monoxide poisoning

Did you now that even though nearly seventy percent of people use fuel to heat their homes that more than two-thirds don’t have carbon monoxide detectors? Some people wait for the last minute in the lead up to a cold North American winter before they check furnaces and other heating equipment and when the weather suddenly changes and there is heavy snow and the house needs heating up, they find that they are not ready and a carbon monoxide detector might be the last thing they think about.

The first thing you should do before the winter starts when you will need a lot of heat is to get a qualified service technician who services or installs furnaces to do an inspection to check that everything is in working order. You don’t want to leave this until the temperature has plummeted below sixty degrees and you are freezing in a cold room.


Importance of having your furnace regularly serviced

• Install the carbon monoxide detector where people sleep, but not close to fuel burning appliances.

• Don’t try to heat up your home with a gas range or an oven; you are looking for trouble, and the heat generated in any event is not enough to heat a house.

• Heating your house with a gas range or an oven also produces dangerous levels of nitrogen oxide which can lead to problem breathing and respiratory disease. This also poses a danger for your children.

• If you did not know, grilling indoors is dangerous for the high amount of carbon monoxide it generates.

• It is important that you service your heating system regularly every year. Don’t wait for the last minute as stated above.

• If your technician tells you that you need work done, do it immediately. You all have had the experience of great weather and in the morning wake up to heavy snow. Besides, you do not want a heating system that could pose a poisoning risk. Check for cracks in the vent and check the system is properly installed.

• Make sure your wood stove meets fire codes and that your chimney is clear and flues cleaned. If not, you take the risk of the carbon monoxide which is supposed to be released coming back into the house.

• Always open chimney dampers before lighting a fire in the fireplace. Have your heating appliances tested by an independent lab where if something goes wrong, you have someone to go to.

• Use heaters with the proper fuel and follow instructions. Remember, we all need oxygen to breathe. Use common sense.


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Should your baby sleep in your arms all day?

It is not a good thing to encourage, as falling asleep in your arms will lead to co dependency and to other bad habits and you will get no work done. If it is a toddler of two who just happens to fall asleep while playing with his toys, you can wake him up for his last bottle and diaper change and put him in bed. Walking around the house carrying a five month old baby who is fast asleep does not make sense. You have housework to do, errands to run, events to plan; you cannot spend all your time with the baby. Of course if you have a six month old infant and he has to feed every two hours, that is a different thing. He will wake you up for a feeding, you will breastfeed him and change him and he will go back to sleep.



Developing co dependency

An infant falling asleep in your arms and you carrying him around for an hour is not productive and will create fear in him when he is put in his crib, throws a tantrum and cries to be picked up, and you do so. Some people would call this a spoiled child, but he is not. The mother did this by creating the closeness and he is used to being with her; he has been inside her for nine months. When he cries and does not want you to put him down it is because he has become used to the long periods of time he has this luxury and that he is most comfortable there. This, however, is not good for you and the infant. You can’t have a child dictating his sleeping hours to you. And you don’t want to create dependency. If his behavior is not corrected early in life, your two year old becomes a three year old and four year old and will still cry when he has to go to bed at night. The next thing that will happen is that he will want to sleep in your bed. Even though two people are in the bed he wants to be in the middle between the two of you. Should you allow that? I would say not. Giving in to your toddler would be a huge mistake. The solution to all this is to spend enough time with your toddlers during the day, and let them spend alone time with their books and toys in their room before being put to bed where you will give them one on one attention.

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